as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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