I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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