her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize