Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
