Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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