'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
