Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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