when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Houston, we have a blender
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
