i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
