Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
