weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
