You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
