i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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