I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
