i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
