white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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