I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
