my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize