it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
