what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
