i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it's great music for shaving your balls
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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