That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
