Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want nice things and good sex
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize