you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
