Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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