I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
