are you still at the devil's house?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
my liver is dry heaving
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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