1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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