"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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