Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
