Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
