so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
