Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
BRING THE BAGELS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
