$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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