shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
