one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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