You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
