Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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