My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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