Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Found your dick twin last night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
