oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
