Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
