Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
