I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
