2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
