Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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