I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize