Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize