If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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