Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
