My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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