alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
