do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
