Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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