Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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