Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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