If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
