She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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