I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
