I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I party with great urgency now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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