Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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