I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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