..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
