I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Even my vagina gasped.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize