We named our party play list daddy issues
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize