She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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