There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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