Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
