Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
