At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize