I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
