Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
