That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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