You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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