What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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